Thursday, June 12, 2003

Smells like incest

originally posted Thu, 12 Jun 2003 06:01:52 -0700

Tyler (sniffing his favorite blanky): “ Smells yike incest”

Me: “WHAT!?”

Tyler: “My naynay (his name for the blanky) smells yike incest”

He holds the blanky out for me to smell. The last thing I want to do is sniff it. Although I’m not sure what incest might smell like, I’m sure it isn’t a pleasant smell. Not to mention the boys blankies get dragged through everything and are pretty disgusting.

He comes closer, holding out the blanky. I back away.

Me: “What’s incest?”

He rolls his eyes and shrugs, palms up, and lets out an exasperated sigh, like I’m the biggest moron in the world. Then he points. “Incest you dummy ass”

I was laughing too hard to punish him for the dummy ass comment. He was pointing to my incense burner.

Wednesday, June 11, 2003

Hi, I`m Tydah G

originally posted Wed, 11 Jun 2003 21:39:53 -0700

I’m Tydah G
That’s Tyler’s response when you ask him who he is. He’s the victim of being given a popular name * gasp * There was another Tyler in his class, Tyler E, who has just moved on to the 4 year old room, leaving Tyler the sole owner of the Tyler moniker in the threes. But Tyler is stuck on being “Tydah G” So my kid sounds like he's in some sort of 12 step program whose name ends in "anonymous"

If you push him, he’ll say his name is “Tydah Gweene”. Ok. It is. Well, close enough. He knows there’s a T in his name. Therefore, if something is labeled “Brett”, which has two T’s, it must also be his. Which can create some conflict. Which I am then required to ref. I’m trying to drill into the little head that his name STARTS with a T. So far, the little head is appearing to be completely solid, with no absorption powers whatsoever. One day it will just click. About the time that I’m completely bald from pulling all my hair out.

Finally in sun....uh, well, Florida

originally posted Wed, 11 Jun 2003 17:59:52 -0700

Ok, it's not exactly sunny all the time. We have been having our daily afternoon thunderstorms. Which coincidentally sometimes happen in the morning, but only when I have something to do, like buy a particle board based bookcase which would be ruined by water. I swear, everytime I left the house to go but the freakin thing, big black clouds would roll in and smile great flashes of lightening and dare me with rolls of thunder to go ahead and just try to buy the bookcase. Yup, go ahead, make its day.

So, here I am in the Orlando area. My sister drove down with us. The first day of driving was a nightmare. I swear we stopped twice per state, which really sucks since those were the northeastern states are small. Someone had to pee each time. And it wasn't the boys, though I did force them to go each time. Think it might have been the ten gallons of ice coffee we both drank before leaving? Naaaah! We were just pee pee pistons, and the worst thing was we were in separate cars and I didn't have a cell phone or a tin can with string, so we had to blink lights, honk horns and scream obscenities at each other to indicate our need to stop. Other than Tyler complaining that it smelled like poop (exits 14ish-11) and screaming from exit 8 to exit 3 on the New Jersey turnpike, the boys were good.

The second day went smoother. For one, there was no ice coffee, so not nearly as many pee breaks. The boys got bored to sleep by the middle of Georgia. Brett woke up and Jacksonville, spilled water on himself then screamed about it until Daytona, then just occasionally whined about it until Orlando ("I awww wet, Mommy. I awww wet," in his cutest baby voice with his lower lip sticking out)

The next morning, I got the keys to my new apartment. We went to clean it and noticed something odd. Our walls had hair. The painters had just painted the hair of the previous occupants into the wall. This person had kinky curly hair, so it sprung out around the baseboards. It took us half the day to pluck the walls to my satisfaction.

Other than the hairy walls, I really like this apartment. I think this complex is only 3-4 years old. There was new carpet when moved in. The boys remedied that the first day by dumping a coke and punch on it. Tyler has christened the walls with ketchup and Brett has left his artwork on the walls and counters in the second bathroom. They really enjoy the roman tub. They can swim "like fishies!" And make tidal waves. And pretend the floor is the beach, complete with tidal pools. I wonder if the people downstairs have water leaking through their ceiling.

My project for this week is to find the boys a preschool before I go completely insane.

Tuesday, May 13, 2003

Delete me and write something better here.

originally posted Tue, 13 May 2003 20:52:03 -0700

Huh, I like these random subject lines. Well, I was just going to bitch about how freakin long it took me to find the place where I could change my password to something I could actually remember. While on the change password safari, I found I had a pro account and could upload pictures! Oh happy day! Now I can scare people with pics of me and my offspring.

I`m a lucky chick tonight

originally posted Tue, 13 May 2003 20:01:50 -0700

I needed to go to Walmart to pick up a few things, namely some storage bins, for the upcoming return to Florida. There was no way I was taking the carpet rodents with me, so Uncle Dan and Auntie Eileen watched them while I was gone, which was for less than an hour.

During the time I was gone, Brett decided to take a dump in his pants. The turd managed to make its way out of his underwear, out the leg of his sweatpants and onto the floor. That's when Tyler spotted it and freaked out about the "poochie" on the floor. Uncle Dan picked it up and sniffed it, and yes, indeedy, it was poop. So in the shower Brett went.

While Brett was in the shower, Tyler decided that he needed to poop. He pulls out his potty seat, puts in on the toilet, parks his butt on it and launches his pickle. Then he wipes himself, smearing poop all over his hand and on the potty seat. So in the shower Tyler went.

I come home to two fresh smelling little boys already in their jammies. They couldn't have planned their poop fest better for me. I'm so lucky. I need to play the lottery.

Monday, May 12, 2003

My first decent mother`s day in 18 years

Originally posted Mon, 12 May 2003 19:42:20 -0700

You would think that in 18 years of being a mother that I would have scored either a gift or a dinner. Nope. Never happened. Until this year. I got a gift AND a dinner. Life ain't so bad after all

First of all, the gift. I feel like I really won the lottery. I got a set of Bath and Body works stuff in Night Blooming Jasmine. The twins bought it, via their aunt who liberated the cash from the Uncle Dan's wallet. I'm really pleased with it. I'm just wallowing in Night Blooming Jasmine. Of course, everyone in the neighborhood's eyes are watering.

Then I got my dinner. A lobster dinner. Oh and the lobster was yummy. This was the first time I opened one myself. Of course they cut it down the middle to make it easier and the placemat came with directions for the lobster cracking virgins. They had a shore dinner for $23 that came with steamers, salad, chowder, along with the lobster and baked potato. This place was set on the rocky shore in York, Maine and overlooked a lighthouse. The lighthouse was on a little island that was probably only 100 ft from the shore and it was so pretty. I wish I had film in my camera. The the sun was setting behind us and weather was turning gray and stormy and it was so beautiful with the waves crashing against the rocks. The light would have been so perfect. I want the picture so I can paint it later when I finally have some time to myself, in say, oh, 10 years.

The kids weren't too bad. We were upstairs at the restaurant and there weren't too many people there so they could look out the window to their hearts' content. They were fascinated by the water and the seagulls. Towards the end of the meal, the boys took turns wanting to go to the bathroom, so I was up and down the stairs like a piston like 4-5 times. They waited until the hour ride home to act up. They conned Aunt Eileen into buying them these lobster claw pinchy things, which they used to beat each other the whole way home. Only one fight is a good day.