Cindermutha

They're such refined children...

2010-11-13T17:12:00.000-08:00

We took the boys out for Thai food (their favorite) for lunch. While we were waiting for our food, Tyler smacks Brett in the face and tells him, "I didn't hit you. I high fived your face."

And I wonder why I have "snow in my hair" according to Brett a couple of years back. It could be the fact that I'm middle aged and going to be a grandma. Nah. It's Brett & Tyler.

First Week of School and other Big Changes

2010-08-18T06:38:00.000-07:00

Since way back at the beginning of time when I started this blog, B&T have grown into 11 year olds. Since Brett spent his kindergarten year making crayons naked, he got an opportunity to do it twice, so he is still in elementary school in the fifth grade. Tyler just started middle school in the gifted program. So he's hanging out with the evil geniuses. Trust me, having multiple gifted kids over means having unique and ingenius ways of getting in trouble. Oh, why can they not be like the geeks of yesteryear!

Anyhoo, Tyler has been getting up in the morning without a fight. That might be because he doesn't have to get up until after I'm back from walking Brett to school. In previous years, the biggest battle was trying to extract him from his bed. I tried everything from ice cubes to squirt bottles to loud noises. However, he has made up for his new and improved morning personality by doing things like drawing a mustache with blue sharpie on Brett when he fell asleep on the couch. (BTW, the hand sanitizer worked to get the remains off this morning). I'm wondering if there is a Law of Conservation of Annoying Kid Behavior which states that each child must exhibit all of his allotted evil, so that if it is removed from one part of life, it must be used elsewhere.

As for Brett, I've started walking to school with him. Because of his CP, and the fact that he has legs of slightly different lengths, one of his feet turns inwards. Since part of his therapy involved walking on a treadmill, I decided we might have better results if I made him walk to school. He gets to stretch his tendons, I get exercise, and when the zombie apocalypse comes, we'll all be ready to run. It's a win, win, win situation. Or so I think.

Brett spent the entire walk complaining about walking. Yesterday's complaints were that he had PE first thing and he was going to be tired out. Then it was that he was so skinny that this walking would make him lose weight and he WOULD JUST DIE!!! Today, my sister came with, and he complained about her coming. Then that it was Wellness Wednesday and he would have to walk around the track a bazillion times. Then he complained about his backpack, then my sister holding his backpack. Then it was back to dying. I'm beginning to think he's the reincarnation of Stevie's Nana Levy. Even the dead armadillos in various states of decomposition (and dining by the turkey vultures) did not distract him from his mission.

So that's how my day starts this school year. I'm going to try sticking an iPod on Brett to see if he sings rather than bitches, but I'm not holding my breath

Happy New Year!

2009-12-31T13:34:00.001-08:00

One of these days, I really, really am going to transfer all the posts from my old blog here. Really. And I'm really, really going to start posting again. Though regular posting might have to wait until summer when I have more brain cells to spare, since I have a writing intensive semester coming up.

B & T are doing great. They drive me nuts. Would you believe that next year T will be in MIDDLE SCHOOL?! T is in the gifted program at school. I had no idea that a kid could talk his way in, but he did. His IQ was 1 point less than the threshold. The kid NEVER shuts up. And he never does his homework unless I hold the game systems hostage. I don't know how many times I've threatened the life of the playstation and Wii. And since Christmas, we now have an XBox 360 to threaten. (Or steal. He got a very cool zombie game I really want to play when they are at school just so I don't humiliate myself with my lack of skillz)

B has been definitively diagnosed with cerebral palsy and his legs are getting more and more crooked. Something Must Be Done Soon. What, I have no idea. B is definitely smarter than T, but he flunked the IQ test, probably because his physical challenges slow him down. Plus he's a bit of a space cadet. His hearing was tested, like mine was when I was little, with the same results. He's not deaf, he's ignoring us.

Tyler's latest bedtime delay tactic

2009-12-02T16:04:00.001-08:00

Tyler waltzed into my room about 10:30 pm and started watching tv, like it's ok to do that on a school night. I told him to go to bed NOW!!!! He turns to me and says in his babiest voice, "Can't a little boy get a hug and a kiss from his mommy?" :\

Of course he got a hug and a kiss. I don't know what little boy he was talking about since he's 10 years old and weighs well over 100 lbs... about 40 lbs more than his twin brother.

I still want a fruit bat or two as pets

2009-11-06T05:35:00.000-08:00

I've wanted one since I saw those cute flying puppies with five foot wingspans at Animal Kingdom. They have so much wing, and such cute faces. I was reminded of them at one of my current fave blogs, FU Penguin by this post and this picture.

I think a dozen or so fruit bats in the house, plus a coffin with native earth should scare off any burglars. And potential girlfriends for the twins. And invading Florida-visiting-relatives. And best of all, any potential future ex-husbands.

My Brettypie

2009-11-06T03:53:00.000-08:00

A couple of days ago, Brett was going down the stairs when he had an epiphany. He turns to me with a big grin on his face and says, "I know why you like Halloween so much! You can violate your diet!"

Gee, thanks little boy.

Of course, this is no worse than Tyler naming his bath toy after me. Except that the bath toy is a whale.

It was a dark and dreary day...

2009-11-03T07:32:00.000-08:00

Ugh! It's a dark and dreary day, and it's been like that for the last two days. We're having up-north weather (only warmer). Rarely does it stay cloudy and dark like this all day. And it barely rained yesterday. If it's going to be dark like this, it could at least water the grass and fill the "lake", which is really a retention pond. This weather is killing me. I'm so sleepy it takes two energy drinks to make me functional.

At least Tyler gets to wander through the swamp on a cooler, and therefore less buggy, day. Though I'm pretty sure less buggy in a swamp means you only get half a mouthful of bugs when you open it rather than a full one. I hope he leaves the snakes alone. He discovered yesterday how cool they feel when they wind around your arm. Yes, he is aware that we have four types of poisonous snakes in Florida and one of them looks similar to the one he played with yesterday. It has a cool rhyme to go with it that lets you tell the difference, but neither of us can remember it. Something along the lines of "Red and black, friend of Jack's," something, something, something and something about leaving the poisonous fucker alone.

Another semester begins...

2009-09-04T12:17:00.000-07:00

And I a fully prepared. I think.
Books... check
Permanent marker (to write reminders on my hand)... check
Planner (to write the assigments in that I will later write on my hand anyway)... check
XAMP installed... uh, no... guess I didn't write that on my hand. Do that tonight.
Caffeine sources... check
Highlighters (to mark up the books which then become unreturnable)... check
Paper in various forms (printer, filler, notebook... for scribbling and tearing up in fits of rage... bye-bye rainforest)... check
Spackle & other wall repair (for when the books in the wall in the same rage that destroys the rainforests)... check
Motivation (which needs to be rationed... it tends to run very low towards the end)... check
Fat ass rooted to the chair in front of computer (very useful for the online classes... however, that distraction called facebook is causing us some real problems).... check (like it's ever any different)

Ok, I'm mostly prepared. I still need very large binders, which I need for the remains of the rainforests that I print the online notes on. I swear the online classes waste more paper than the get-up-off-your-butt-and-physically-go classes

It's been a while

2009-08-12T13:37:00.000-07:00

I'm not writing like I used to. I've had the entire summer off (thanks to unemployment & no $$ for school for the summer semester). Funny thing, the less I have to do, the less I wanna do. All I've done this summer is play facebook games.

Now facebook, that something us middle aged women can get behind. Not only can you find all the people you lost touch with, you can block the ones you never ever want to find touch with again. So about half the people I found, I blocked. Generally, if I wanted to stay in touch with you, there's a good chance you are programmed into my phone.

Tornadoes + Trailers = Oh Crap

2009-05-20T15:13:00.000-07:00

The last two days were chock full of tornado warnings around here. One touched down in a trailer neighborhood (it's not a trailer park... it's like people bought lots of land and plopped down either a trailer or a house... it's all mixed) and relocated parts of some of the trailers. When they interviewed the owners of the destroyed trailers, they were all well spoken and none of them seemed to be typical trailer trash. Then one of the women interviewed looked really familiar. Then they mentioned her name. She was B&T's preschool teacher when they were 2 years old.

It's a really weird neighborhood. There will be a creepy, crappy trailer, then a rather decent house, then a fairly new double wide, then a little block house, then another creepy crappy, then a cracker shack, then another decent house.... totally devoid of any sense of order.

Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theater

2009-05-20T12:16:00.000-07:00

I am, of course, a huge fan of Halloween. So when one of my facebook friends posted this video, I just had to inflict it on the rest of you:

An FYI regarding my old posts

2009-05-14T15:14:00.001-07:00

I'm leaving them as 'today's' date for a couple of days before I correct them to their original dates so I can be glad they don't poop their pants anymore. Some of these posts were actually cross posted here anyway.

It's time

2009-05-14T11:53:00.000-07:00

I'm going to actually transfer the backups from Journalspace to here. Yes, I did have backups, but they were from a year before the disaster. But that's ok, because that's when the boys were at their most amusing. Funny how when they get bigger, belligerence and general misbehaving is no longer funny.

The Prince of Darkness

2009-03-01T16:18:00.000-08:00

Today was a weird weather day. This morning it was bright and sunny, then it clouded over. While folding some shirts, it suddenly got very, very dark. I asked, "Who brought the darkness?"

Brett replied, without looking up from his video game, "He did," and pointed at Tyler with his elbow.

"So, Tyler, are you the Prince of Darkness?" I asked.

"No, Ozzy Osbourne is," Tyler answered.

Then both of them chorused, "He's been the prince of darkness since 1979!"

I think they watch too much tv.

Going to the Orlando Tea Party

2009-02-27T05:19:00.000-08:00

Since it is a weekday, and it is short notice, I'm not sure how the turnout will be. On the other hand, it is downtown and during lunch. Everything downtown is walking distance from Lake Eola, so

A Sorry Letter by Tyler

2009-02-10T17:36:00.000-08:00

Tyler G.
Writing

I hit my freind in the back. It made a mark. It was redder than a baboons butt. Than I got in trouble. He told me to hit him. We had to write a sorry letter.

The End.

Mom's note: This is spelled exactly how it was in the letter. I found this tucked away in last year's student planner.

Back on my school schedule

2009-02-08T08:18:00.000-08:00

I'm butt deep in homework from Wednesday til Saturday. I have one class that so far is full of rather dumb assignments. I could get them all done in about 5 minutes.

OMG IT'S COLDER!!

2009-01-21T03:40:00.000-08:00

It's below freezing here in sunny (not really) Florida. Yes. It is 31 degrees out. I am so glad I bought the boys those oversized heavy winter coats. I thought they might wear them 2-4 times a year for the next 3 years. They wore them that many times last week. The other days they required sweatshirts and jackets (layers, it's FL, usually warms up in the afternoon)

Next thing you know, I'll see snow. If it's going to be this cold, we might as well. I haven't seen actual snow, beyond a flake or two, in florida in over 20 years. At that point, I was driving to MA during a storm that pretty much blanketed the east coast.

Sorry global worming fruit loops, I didn't believe your fairy tales before, I sure as hell don't believe it now

OMG IT'S COLD!!

2009-01-17T06:40:00.000-08:00

My fingers are having a hard time typing. I'm cold. It's only 44 degrees out here in sunny (not) warm Florida. I don't want to put the heat up, but I'm shivering. I know the sun will warm the house sooner or later (like it does all summer) but I'm not sure I will last that long LOL.

Maybe I'll go out to Dunkin Donuts for a cup of HOT coffee. Yes. That would be good. I can just hold it. Snuggle it. Caress it. Until I absorb all the heat from it. Then it will be cold enough to drink.

I'll even hold it between my feets to warm the toesies, which are rarely cold, but are now protesting me wanting to throw on flip flops for the trip to DD. Tying sneakers is just too much effort. Not that I tie them. They are perma-tied so I just jam my footsies in. But socks. Too much effort. What? My feet just told me to just stuff them in sock free. Anything to prevent being exposed to the cold in the flip flops.

Journalspace is up

2009-01-13T20:04:00.000-08:00

I just went back and resigned up. I was just getting used to being here. I'll give it a try, maybe write in both places

Hell is in a closet

2009-01-13T18:02:00.000-08:00

I spent two hours in the boys' closet culling toys. The boys cooperated fully. In fact, they were more than willing to part with their crap. Superheroes - gone. Cartoon guys - gone. Trains - gone. Cars - gone. Hulk hands - gone. Keyboard with microphone - gone. Happy meal toys - gone. Surprisingly enough, stuffed animals were KEEP!!! They never like them much when they were younger, but when I threatened to bag a froggy (Brett has 10 of them), he freaked. There are so many stuffed animals on their beds that there's hardly any room for them.

I kept a few of their favorites when they were younger, but the rest are in lawn and leaf bags ready for the Salvation Army. There are four and a half bags. I just don't have the motivation to sell it on ebay. I still have to go through their books and drawers and cull small clothes.

Going to the asian food store

2009-01-13T07:46:00.000-08:00

I have a favorite one down in Orlando where I will get my month's supply of kimchee and curry (tyler's fave). I'll stop at Albertsons on the way back and pick up some Lean Cuisines which are on sale 6 for $10. I love their cabbage roll dinner. I lost 20 lbs eating them during my last days at work, and hope to lose even more.

I spent 1.5 hours on the elliptical today and I need a shower before I go. See you all later!

First Day of School (for me)

2009-01-12T12:50:00.000-08:00

Well, here we are, another semester, another buttload of homework. I have 3 online classes and one drag my butt across town class. At least I have no writing classes this time. I figured out that that is what was making me ignore my virtual life... if I spend so much time being forced to write, I just don't want to do any writing for me.

At least the first week of class has nothing due, since this is still the add/drop period. There is one class that I think is going to be way more work than I want to deal with, but I HAVE to take it, even though I pretty much know everything they are going to teach me already. It's always the the "easy" class that loads you up with work. It's not hard work... just time consuming.

I have two other instructors who are extremely picky... but I've had them before and know what to expect. One has reasonable exams and is very picky on the projects, the other has nightmare exams (minutiae) and is a little easier on the projects as long as they are in on time.

The Drag My Butt In class is for Adobe Illustrator and I've had this instructor before too. She's extremely easy as long as you follow directions, there are no exams, just design projects. And design projects I like, even when I'm forced to do it.

A few minutes of peace

2009-01-09T03:37:00.001-08:00

I set my alarm clock 45 minutes earlier than the boys get up. Sometimes I snooze for a few extra five minutes (snooze is at 5 min intervals) and sometimes I get my bleary eyed self up and sleepwalk the internet. I have five minutes left before I have to deal with getting the boys up and ready for school.

I used to get them up earlier, but rushing them keeps gives them less time to whine, complain and resist. Sometimes they wake up smiling, but it is rare. Most times it's with a whine, "Why can't you wake HIM up first?"

Two more minutes of peace and it's time to start the most stressful part of my day.

Evil, evil twins

2009-01-05T13:24:00.000-08:00

I swear my blood pressure must be sky high.

I told the boys we could go to the YMCA and they could play at Club Y if they did their homework. Not only did they not bother with their homework, but they actually whined at me when I said we weren't going since their homework wasn't done. Then Brett had the nerve to try to pass of a list of spelling words as his spelling sentences homework. That was the last straw.

I am now in possession of their Wii, PS2, and both laptops. I already yanked the cable from their room at the beginning of the school year when they couldn't comprehend that bedtime meant go to freakin sleep, not watch TV until 1 AM while sitting on the floor in your bedroom.

I am so tired of this homework battle. I have decreed that they will not enjoy life (play games and go to Club Y) until they learn to do their homework without making my brain explode. Do you know how hard it is to scrape it off the walls and spackle it back in my head? I need every cell for my own homework, which begins anew next week.

Furthermore, if I have to be tortured with my own homework, I'm sure as hell going to have company. You know what they say about misery.

And here I was thinking I was going to enjoy this last week of winter break for myself.

So that's what carpet looks like with 3 yrs of dust

2009-01-03T17:42:00.001-08:00

I am rearranging my bedroom. Right now I have to hurdle piles of boxes to get in or out of my room. I have moved the dressers to their (almost) final locations. I need to pull the bed down off the lifts, pull it one way, vaccuum behind it, pull it the other way, vacuum behind it, then flip the orientation. While I'm at it, I'll change the bedding and put away the clean folded laundry sitting on it.

I'm debating on whether to finish it tonight or just wait until tomorrow. I already dragged out all of the stuff that was under the bed.

Oh wait. I need to feed the kidlets before Tyler eats Brett. Guess I'll just have to wait til tomorrow

Eek.

2009-01-02T20:51:00.000-08:00

This is why I will never jump out of a perfectly good airplane wearing folded bedsheet attached to a backpack with string.

Clearance Crazies

2009-01-01T14:47:00.000-08:00

Why is it that when people hit the Christmas clearance they all look like someone stole their anti-anxiety meds? The panicky manic looks on their faces is quite entertaining. They all look like they're afraid of missing something.

I hope I didn't look like that. Knowing me, I probably just looked pissed off.

I managed to pick up some silver snowflake ornaments today. They were 75% off. I also got a silicone bowl scraper thingiemadoo that will make an awesome icing spreader for the cupcakes I'm intending to bake. I'll have to wash all the silver glitter off it first. It shared a bag with the snowflakes, which felt it would be nice to share the glitter. I'm covered in it, my purse is covered in it, and Brett, who has the retractable umbilical cord and refused to acknowlege his birth, is also covered in it.

2008-12-31T23:14:00.000-08:00

Damn

My long term blog home, journalspace, is gone forever. I really loved the place, even though I haven't spent a whole lot of time there recently. Might have something to do with the going to school full time and working full time, at least until August. Now that I'm unemployed and on winter break, I have more time to mess around, and then JS go poof!

Waaaaah!!!

2007-12-22T07:39:00.000-08:00

Somehow the money situation got turned around. I haven't hated my job in the last two weeks, and we were allowed overtime, which pulled me out of the financial crapper big time. Then my parents sent money for me to go shopping for the kids, and sent a package with toys and books in it as well. Then their grandma on Boob's side sent them twice as much money for Christmas as she normally does. Then Duncle Dan's parents sent us cash.

Of course, between the overtime and the fact that all this arrived in the last week has me shopping at the last minute. I found that getting up early and hitting the stores right when they open is the best bet. I went to Sears, Target and Linens n Things and didn't have to wait in line in any of them.

You know, I haven't spent a dime of the money meant for me on me. Maybe I'll get myself some exercise videos from Target and workout wear from Macy's.

2006-07-15T13:05:00.000-07:00

While I was picking up the Twins of Terror this afternoon, one of the bubbly young counselors gushed, "Your boys are so sweet! They're such good boys!"

I blurted out, "Are you talking about MY kids?"

She looked confused, while an older counselor laughed (who was probably the ripe old age of 21) "You're Brett and Tyler's mom right?"

"Yes... you mean they're GOOD here?" I'm shocked.

She's back to gushing, "They're so sweet! They always hugging each other and they're always so good!"

"Are you sure they were hugging?" I'm mystified. Now if they were trying to wrestle each other to the ground, or strangle each other, that would make more sense. Otherwise, my kids have been kidnapped by aliens and replaced with these duplicates with sweet dispositions. Or they were flipped with an alternate universe... maybe they'll turn up with goatees.

"When one cries, the other gives him a hug," she explained.

Hmmm. That does happen on occasion. When one accidentally on purposely hurts the other and he starts to cry, the guilty party will try to console him so the Mom of Justice won't swoop down upon him.

At this point, B&T exit the building. They're all smiley and happy!!!! With no facial hair. Then Brett was taking his sweet time getting in the car and Tyler starts yelling at him and calling him an idiot. Guess they weren't kidnapped by aliens. Darn, I was hoping to keep the good copies. It was just an act to impress the pretty girls, which they dropped as soon as they got to the car.

This explains why they are so cranky when they get home. They use up their quota of good during the day at camp.

2006-05-15T18:49:00.000-07:00

Weather Karma
To all the friends and family in New England that gave me that, "I could NEVAH live in Flahrida with all those huhricanes," and all that happy horseshit:
How do you all like your new indoor pools? What? Can't hear me? Swim closer! Across the backyard! That's it!

I'll take 10 days of inconvenience every 20 years or so over the 160 months of winter you all suffer during that same amount of time. Never mind the occasional HURRICANE or BLIZZARD or plain ole RAIN that might wash your sorry asses away.

The moral of the story: Shit you say can float right back at you.

2006-05-14T19:17:00.000-07:00

At least the notice on JS now estimates that everything will be up and running tomorrow. I don't know, maybe I'll start cross posting so nothing ever gets lost again. I'm so lost with all my favorite haunts scattered to the wind.

2006-05-14T18:47:00.000-07:00

It really was a lovely mother's day for me. Tyler brought me an entire folder filled with cards, stories and other mommy worshipping items. Then he made a vase of fake flowers with pens, fake flowers and a dixie bathroom cup filled with dark red kidney beans. Very shiney, those beans are. He's so excited that I'm actually using the pens. He also made a clear plastic "stained glass" box at daycare. He topped off my day by naming his favorite bathtoy, a whale, after me. No, I was not flattered, though I pretended to be. I don't think he understands why you don't name a whale after someone you LIKE.

Brett wrote a story about what a wonderful mommy I am, gave me a "stained glass" plastic box, and a little tattered card that was damaged during transport (as everything dumped in his black hole of a backpack is)

I love everything they made for me. I just adore my little boys.

2006-05-14T16:34:00.000-07:00

I am absolutely, completely bored out of my skull. There's nothing on tv, the kids are behaving, don't feel like cleaning, and I'm tired of playing games.

Oh, and I don't want to work either, since I have a week's worth of checks missing and I think its my post office's fault. None of them should have been on the truck that caught fire last week so now I've got one more place to try to hunt my checks down.

2006-05-14T07:49:00.000-07:00

Sheesh... this journalspace being down is getting on my nerves. Granted, I haven't spent much time there recently, but I did decorate it and make it my own. I've been there for three years and I'm just a little bit attached to the site and the people there.

I guess in the meantime, I'll be here *grumble* *grumble*

2005-12-27T16:42:00.000-08:00

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. I did. I will now eat fudge while sitting in my shiatsu massager and playing the Sims 2

2005-12-06T19:44:00.000-08:00

Assholes and Bottle Rockets Do Not Mix....
I snagged this from Moonbat Monitor who lifted it from someone else. It is the funniest thing I've seen in a long time, had I been drinking something, I would not be typing right now, I'd be at Walmart replacing the keyboard.

Don't try this at home. The reasons will become obvious when you see it.

Presenting: Assholes and Bottle Rockets Do Not Mix

Warning: Not work safe.

2005-12-03T17:06:00.000-08:00

Who needs $50 toys, when the kids spend more time playing with paper airplanes? I could make a box full of them, fancy them up with some stickers, and they would play with them for hours. I made them each one and they've been playing with them for six hours.

2005-11-30T09:35:00.000-08:00

A Schedule of TV Christmas Specials
I don't know about the rest of you, but it just isn't Christmas unless you catch all the classic Christmas specials like Charlie Brown, Rudolph and Frosty. Thanks to the DVR, I'm not going to miss a single one this year, thanks to this list. The stuff on the bottom aren't classics to me, but the kids might like them, so they're staying. They have a list of the classic movies as well if you click the link.

Updated to add the Grinch

From FOXNews.com - Foxlife - 'A Charlie Brown Christmas' Still Leads Holiday TV Pack After 40 Years:

"A Charlie Brown Christmas," directed by animator Bill Melendez, airs 8 p.m. Tuesday, Dec. 6, on ABC. It's paired with "Charlie Brown Christmas Tales," based on Schulz's work and featuring each of the Peanuts characters, including Snoopy, in individual vignettes.
"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer," 8 p.m. Wednesday, Nov. 30, CBS. A shy reindeer battles the Abominable Snowmonster and finds that his vibrantly colored nose makes him a hero, not a misfit, when Santa Claus needs a guiding light.
"The Happy Elf," 8 p.m. Friday, Dec. 2, NBC. Harry Connick lends his voice and original songs to the story of Eubie the elf, who must rescue the unhappy town of Bluesville. The voices of Carol Kane, Lewis Black, Mickey Rooney and Rob Paulsen also are featured.
"Santa Claus is Comin' to Town," 8 p.m. Friday, Dec. 2, ABC. Fred Astaire was the narrator for this 1970 tale about how Kris Kringle (Mickey Rooney) overcomes a ban on toys in his native Sombertown and ends up becoming Santa Claus, the world's biggest toy distributor.
"I Want a Dog for Christmas, Charlie Brown!" 8 p.m. Friday, Dec. 9, ABC. Rerun, younger brother of Linus and Lucy, gets more than he bargained for when Snoopy the beagle invites his brother, Spike, for a visit.
"Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas," 7 p.m, Cartoon Network: The mean one tries to spoil Whoville's holiday.
"Rugrats Chanukah Special," 2 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 17, Nickelodeon. Grandpa Boris and his old rival, Shlomo, perform in a play about the holiday's meaning and, with the help of the babies, find a way to reconcile.
"Frosty the Snowman," 8 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 17, CBS. Jimmy Durante narrated the tale of the brave snowman pursued by evil Professor Hinkle on a mission to rescue the North Pole. Followed at 8:30 p.m. by "Frosty Returns," narrated by Jonathan Winters.
"A Rugrats Kwanzaa," 8:30 p.m. Monday, Dec. 26, Nickelodeon. When Aunt T. arrives to celebrate the Kwanzaa holiday with the Carmichaels, little Susie learns what it means to honor "the legacy of our great people," and what greatness comes from.
"Arthur's Perfect Christmas," 8 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 24, PBS. Elwood City is abuzz with plans for the perfect holiday, whether Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa, but everything doesn't go as planned for Arthur, D.W. and their family and friends.
"Chanukah Stories," airing on PBS stations in December (check local listings). Two children's books, "The Tie Man's Miracle" and "Moishe's Miracle," were adapted for this special, featuring Jami Gertz and Bob Saget.

2005-11-30T09:25:00.000-08:00

A little family trivia

I am the 11th generation of my family in this country. They arrived in 1630 in Massachusetts. They settled in Ipswich in 1635. Nobody knows what in tarnation they were doing for five years before Ipswich. Possible indentured servitude? Who knows.

My great great grandfather died in the Civil War. He died of malaria like so many did back then.

My great great great grandfather was impressed into the British navy while out at sea in the late 1790's (you know, one of those issues we had with the Brits that brought on the War of 1812) When he finally got home, the entire family had up and moved from Ipswich MA to Nowhere Maine, somewhere near Augusta (think its called Hallowell or something or other)

My great great great great grandfather has no death date on his tomb. I have come to the conclusion that he's a vampire and that is the reason the entire family up and left. They were probably run out of town with torches and pitchforks. It's not like our family is a stranger to scandals.

Another great great great great grandfather was a Hessian soldier that jumped ship with his buddy. According to family legend, he had a Cinderfella kind of story, including an evil stepmother who he felt the need to run away from. So he ran away from home and wound up in BF Maine. Good thing he could swim.

My great great (crap, need to count fingers), well 5X great grandfather marched to Lexington in 1776. They missed the show, but he still get's a little flag and a medal on a stick on his grave. He would have got the "I marched to Lexington and Concord for nothing and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" t-shirt, but t-shirts hadn't been invented yet. He was in his 60's in 1776.

Gotta go get the kids... I'll finish this later.

2005-10-30T06:10:00.000-08:00

I had a dream that four Rolfs sitting nicely in a cream colored convertable, were driving around a parking lot not letting me get off my bed. They weren't doing anything, just driving. My bed was the size of a two story building and I was looking down at them trying to figure out how to get down and get away from them. I wasn't feeling scared at all. Just annoyed.

No more falling asleep with Most Haunted Live on tv. And I didn't even have any Nyquil

2005-10-28T06:13:00.000-07:00

Another mother and I were at the stop and the bus never showed up. So we loaded up the entire bus stop and drove them to school. I called the school and they didn't even seem concerned, which ticked me off. Of course, the other mothers didn't even know, since a lot of them drop their kids off at the bus stop on the way to work.

When they came home, they had a different bus driver. It was some big Jabba the Hut / hygenically challenged looking guy. Evidently their regular driver, the very mommish and competent lady, was out sick. We miss her very much.

2005-10-28T06:12:00.000-07:00

discover your jack-o-lantern face @ quiz me

I am grumpy... I'm still sick, drowning in my own snot, and taking what I need to to mask the symptoms. No more nyquil though. I didn't get up until 1 PM after taking that crap.

2005-10-26T06:16:00.000-07:00

Even though I was sick, I took Tylenol to keep the fever and aches away, Advil an hour later to reinforce it, and Sudafed for the snots. I felt A-OK for quite a while. Since I left work early, there was no need to drive to BFE and meet up with everyone. I decided against dressing in costume because it was COLD (the low was 47. I put pajama bottoms and a long sleeved t shirt on the boys to keep them warm under their costumes. This is the one year that they aren't wearing those "muscle" costumes with all the padding that keeps them warm. Brett was Flash and Tyler was Batman (Batman Begins version). Brett kept calling himself Dash (from the Incredibles) and I had to keep correcting him. Finally I said, "Fine, you're Dash." and he grins and says, "I'm just joking you mommy."

Here they are in the parking lot in front of my car, right before we hopped on a tram, that would take us to the monorail, which would finally bring us to the Magic Kingdom.

Then we finally got a stroller, mainly to carry our junk, but occasionally to hold a too tired 6 year old.

Here they are at the main entrace

Last night they were VERY generous with the candy. All our bags were full and we had to start with a second round of bags. Between the five of us, we have at least 15 lbs of candy, and that is no exaggeration.

Brett kept his mask on most of the night, but only ever had one eye looking out. We'd straighten it and it would be twisted around with just one eye again. He got lost at one candy station, when I thought Dan had him and he thougt I had him. He was wandering around crying near the stroller. He stuck to us like glue after that.

Tyler kept taking his mask off. He walked with his cape swirling behind him. So I started dadada'ing the Imperial March, you know, the Darth Vader walking tune. From the back, he looked more like Darth Vader. For the rest of the night, I called him Darth Tyler. Duncle Dan mentioned that he was looking to download that as a ringtone for when my sister calls. "I am Darth Ballbuster," she announced.

We went on only 4 rides. The Stitch ride, Peter Pan, the carousel, and of course, the Haunted Mansion. This year there were no whines of trepidation, no dragging them... they went on willingly and enthusiastically. I just might be able to take them to Halloween Horror Nights in a couple of years.

Here's a picture of them with a Pleakly statue in tomorrowland

We were getting ready to leave, when I noticed they were about to have a dance party. Since it was indoors, and therefore warm, and the boys liked to dance, we decided to stay. Nothing's funnier than a bunch of little kids in costume dancing. Darth Tyler cracked me up doing the macarena. Brett was doing his usual electrocution/seizure dance. After that we trick or treated our way out, then stood in line to get to the monorail, which would take us to the tram, which would take us to the car. Getting out takes a half hour on a good day.

We were all drop dead exhausted by the time we got home. And I'm now sicker than ever. Oh well. At least I can fake health with enough drugs

2005-07-15T06:14:00.000-07:00

Tyler has a stuffed penguin from the movie Madagascar. His name is Private.

(He's trying to make a break for the wild)

The last couple of days, I've found Private on the floor in the morning. I asked him why he was throwing Private out of bed and he replies, "He stares at me and it creeps me out. He looks at me like this..."

2004-08-02T06:15:00.000-07:00

In the bath, Tyler yelled, "Mommy, come look!"

Usually excitement means something I really don't want to see but will probably have to clean up.

I walk in to see him pointing at Brett's butt. He's all excited. "Brett has a HOLE in his butt!" he announced with the pride of someone that has discovered the means to faster than light speed travel. "I think that's where he poops from!" And he bends over to have another peek at his most amazing discovery.

"Tyler! Leave his butt alone!" I'm trying hard not to laugh. Brett is standing there with a big grin, all proud to have a butt hole.

That's when the epiphany hit. "Hey, maybe I have one too!" Tyler shouted, and violently bent forward to try to stuff his head between his legs and up his butt to see.

That's really not a good move in a slippery bathtub without a bathmat.

He did a flip and splashed down on his back. You know that gets a maximum bathtub tsunami effect. Brett is still standing there, slightly bent over silly grin on his face, completely unaffected by the sudden turbulence. He's in the exact same position he was when I first came in.

Tyler emerged from the water surprised that the laws of physics actually applied to him. Now that his head was completely wet he was ready for shampooing

Smells like incest

2003-06-12T06:01:00.000-07:00

originally posted Thu, 12 Jun 2003 06:01:52 -0700

Tyler (sniffing his favorite blanky): “ Smells yike incest”

Me: “WHAT!?”

Tyler: “My naynay (his name for the blanky) smells yike incest”

He holds the blanky out for me to smell. The last thing I want to do is sniff it. Although I’m not sure what incest might smell like, I’m sure it isn’t a pleasant smell. Not to mention the boys blankies get dragged through everything and are pretty disgusting.

He comes closer, holding out the blanky. I back away.

Me: “What’s incest?”

He rolls his eyes and shrugs, palms up, and lets out an exasperated sigh, like I’m the biggest moron in the world. Then he points. “Incest you dummy ass”

I was laughing too hard to punish him for the dummy ass comment. He was pointing to my incense burner.

Hi, I`m Tydah G

2003-06-11T21:31:00.000-07:00

originally posted Wed, 11 Jun 2003 21:39:53 -0700

I’m Tydah G
That’s Tyler’s response when you ask him who he is. He’s the victim of being given a popular name * gasp * There was another Tyler in his class, Tyler E, who has just moved on to the 4 year old room, leaving Tyler the sole owner of the Tyler moniker in the threes. But Tyler is stuck on being “Tydah G” So my kid sounds like he's in some sort of 12 step program whose name ends in "anonymous"

If you push him, he’ll say his name is “Tydah Gweene”. Ok. It is. Well, close enough. He knows there’s a T in his name. Therefore, if something is labeled “Brett”, which has two T’s, it must also be his. Which can create some conflict. Which I am then required to ref. I’m trying to drill into the little head that his name STARTS with a T. So far, the little head is appearing to be completely solid, with no absorption powers whatsoever. One day it will just click. About the time that I’m completely bald from pulling all my hair out.

Finally in sun....uh, well, Florida

2003-06-11T17:59:00.000-07:00

originally posted Wed, 11 Jun 2003 17:59:52 -0700

Ok, it's not exactly sunny all the time. We have been having our daily afternoon thunderstorms. Which coincidentally sometimes happen in the morning, but only when I have something to do, like buy a particle board based bookcase which would be ruined by water. I swear, everytime I left the house to go but the freakin thing, big black clouds would roll in and smile great flashes of lightening and dare me with rolls of thunder to go ahead and just try to buy the bookcase. Yup, go ahead, make its day.

So, here I am in the Orlando area. My sister drove down with us. The first day of driving was a nightmare. I swear we stopped twice per state, which really sucks since those were the northeastern states are small. Someone had to pee each time. And it wasn't the boys, though I did force them to go each time. Think it might have been the ten gallons of ice coffee we both drank before leaving? Naaaah! We were just pee pee pistons, and the worst thing was we were in separate cars and I didn't have a cell phone or a tin can with string, so we had to blink lights, honk horns and scream obscenities at each other to indicate our need to stop. Other than Tyler complaining that it smelled like poop (exits 14ish-11) and screaming from exit 8 to exit 3 on the New Jersey turnpike, the boys were good.

The second day went smoother. For one, there was no ice coffee, so not nearly as many pee breaks. The boys got bored to sleep by the middle of Georgia. Brett woke up and Jacksonville, spilled water on himself then screamed about it until Daytona, then just occasionally whined about it until Orlando ("I awww wet, Mommy. I awww wet," in his cutest baby voice with his lower lip sticking out)

The next morning, I got the keys to my new apartment. We went to clean it and noticed something odd. Our walls had hair. The painters had just painted the hair of the previous occupants into the wall. This person had kinky curly hair, so it sprung out around the baseboards. It took us half the day to pluck the walls to my satisfaction.

Other than the hairy walls, I really like this apartment. I think this complex is only 3-4 years old. There was new carpet when moved in. The boys remedied that the first day by dumping a coke and punch on it. Tyler has christened the walls with ketchup and Brett has left his artwork on the walls and counters in the second bathroom. They really enjoy the roman tub. They can swim "like fishies!" And make tidal waves. And pretend the floor is the beach, complete with tidal pools. I wonder if the people downstairs have water leaking through their ceiling.

My project for this week is to find the boys a preschool before I go completely insane.

Delete me and write something better here.

2003-05-13T20:52:00.000-07:00

originally posted Tue, 13 May 2003 20:52:03 -0700

Huh, I like these random subject lines. Well, I was just going to bitch about how freakin long it took me to find the place where I could change my password to something I could actually remember. While on the change password safari, I found I had a pro account and could upload pictures! Oh happy day! Now I can scare people with pics of me and my offspring.

I`m a lucky chick tonight

2003-05-13T20:01:00.000-07:00

originally posted Tue, 13 May 2003 20:01:50 -0700

I needed to go to Walmart to pick up a few things, namely some storage bins, for the upcoming return to Florida. There was no way I was taking the carpet rodents with me, so Uncle Dan and Auntie Eileen watched them while I was gone, which was for less than an hour.

During the time I was gone, Brett decided to take a dump in his pants. The turd managed to make its way out of his underwear, out the leg of his sweatpants and onto the floor. That's when Tyler spotted it and freaked out about the "poochie" on the floor. Uncle Dan picked it up and sniffed it, and yes, indeedy, it was poop. So in the shower Brett went.

While Brett was in the shower, Tyler decided that he needed to poop. He pulls out his potty seat, puts in on the toilet, parks his butt on it and launches his pickle. Then he wipes himself, smearing poop all over his hand and on the potty seat. So in the shower Tyler went.

I come home to two fresh smelling little boys already in their jammies. They couldn't have planned their poop fest better for me. I'm so lucky. I need to play the lottery.

My first decent mother`s day in 18 years

2003-05-12T19:42:00.000-07:00

Originally posted Mon, 12 May 2003 19:42:20 -0700

You would think that in 18 years of being a mother that I would have scored either a gift or a dinner. Nope. Never happened. Until this year. I got a gift AND a dinner. Life ain't so bad after all

First of all, the gift. I feel like I really won the lottery. I got a set of Bath and Body works stuff in Night Blooming Jasmine. The twins bought it, via their aunt who liberated the cash from the Uncle Dan's wallet. I'm really pleased with it. I'm just wallowing in Night Blooming Jasmine. Of course, everyone in the neighborhood's eyes are watering.

Then I got my dinner. A lobster dinner. Oh and the lobster was yummy. This was the first time I opened one myself. Of course they cut it down the middle to make it easier and the placemat came with directions for the lobster cracking virgins. They had a shore dinner for $23 that came with steamers, salad, chowder, along with the lobster and baked potato. This place was set on the rocky shore in York, Maine and overlooked a lighthouse. The lighthouse was on a little island that was probably only 100 ft from the shore and it was so pretty. I wish I had film in my camera. The the sun was setting behind us and weather was turning gray and stormy and it was so beautiful with the waves crashing against the rocks. The light would have been so perfect. I want the picture so I can paint it later when I finally have some time to myself, in say, oh, 10 years.

The kids weren't too bad. We were upstairs at the restaurant and there weren't too many people there so they could look out the window to their hearts' content. They were fascinated by the water and the seagulls. Towards the end of the meal, the boys took turns wanting to go to the bathroom, so I was up and down the stairs like a piston like 4-5 times. They waited until the hour ride home to act up. They conned Aunt Eileen into buying them these lobster claw pinchy things, which they used to beat each other the whole way home. Only one fight is a good day.